Long-haul flights can be tedious. For those who’ve never been on one, they go a little bit like this.
On boarding, your are immediately surprised by the size of the aircraft. You flick through the entertainment package to see what films you’re going to watch during the flight. You make small talk with the person next to you before take off. You take advantage of the free booze. You get drunk. You get hungover. You wish you never got drunk.
You force yourself to eat over-salted plane food. You schedule in toilet breaks to fill the time. It feels like you’re going to be on the plane forever. You regret making small talk with the person sitting next to you. You experience unrivalled jubilation on exiting the aircraft. You realise you’ve got to do it all again on the way back and have a bit of a break down.
But that’s why – not to sound too much like a grandad taking you for new school shoes – comfort is paramount, particularly on long-haul flights. All that recycled air, limited leg room, crying of babies, naff food, bright, aggressive lights and claustrophobia. To go the distance, you’ve got to be prepared. Otherwise, a 14-hour flight will feel like a week stuck inside a portaloo.
So, until Elon Musk pulls himself together and invents something worthwhile – like a bullet plane that gets you from London to Sydney in an hour – you’re stuck with a list of things that you should take on a long-haul flight from us.
You might look like someone recovering from whiplash, but you will be thankful for it.
Nobody wants DVT or swollen legs.
Lubricant for when your eyelids squeak with every blink.
To remind yourself that your nose does more than help you keep your balance.
To block out those white, anxiety-provoking lights.
To drown out the plane’s engines, or that screaming brat behind.
For when earplugs just don’t cut the mustard.
Trackie B’s and running shoes are acceptable but must be changed before landing.
Flapjacks, mints, homemade butties, Maltesers. Purely subjective but essential.
For when your mouth feels like the inside of unchanged, three-year-old hoover bag.
To make you feel like those floating germs are no longer clinging to your boat race.
Any additional moisture is welcome at 35,000 ft.
To feel like you’ve not been sat in the same kegs for hours and hours.
To save yourself from a hangover.
To keep your ears entertained when your eyes have seen enough.
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