#Satire
Janet Birch, a delivery firm fleet manager from Bromley, says she has been proved right that climate change is a hoax due to the arrival of Storm Emma, otherwise known as ‘The Beast from the East’.
Storm Emma has bought chaos to the UK with heavy snowfall leaving motorists trapped in their cars overnight. There have been sub-zero temperatures recorded all over the country, with footage of freezing harbours, frozen waterfalls and icy rivers.
Members of the public have been stockpiling food ahead of the storm, leaving many supermarket shelves bare.
Janet said ‘This weather proves there is no such thing as ‘global warming’. We should sunbathing in Church House Gardens right now. But instead I feel like a bloody penguin’.
‘I’ve been telling my kids for years that there’s no such thing as global warming. It’s a hoax made up by the Chinese. I don’t know why, but that’s what I’ve heard.’
When asked what she thought about the overwhelming global scientific consensus that man-made climate change is the biggest threat to the entire population, Janet remarked,
‘It’s all a load of rubbish. What do they know?’
‘It’s not happening, so there is absolutely no point in cleaning up our act, moving to clean sources of energy, lowering pollution, and making the air better for our kids. I mean, what if we did all that and it turns out to be a hoax? Which it is. What a waste of time. Pointless.’
Janet was also asked if extreme weather all over the world could be a result of shifting jet streams and ocean currents caused by man-made activity. She concluded,
‘Weather is weather. How on Earth can the individual actions of people like me make a difference to it? Stupid.’
