A property developer self-immolated after the watching the Spending Review yesterday. Moments after releasing that he would have to pay stamp duty on new homes, to expand his property portfolio, he doused himself in petrol, set himself alight, and calmly sat outside his local Foxtons branch in Brixton.
Staff member John, 26 said: “Normally it is the anti-gentrification lot protesting outside, but they just throw a few eggs, this seems a bit excessive, especially as we are on his side.
“In fact he was supposed to come in today exchange on a two bed new build on Coldharbour Lane. His protest was going to cost me £300 in commission, so I ran out and handed him a pen and the contract. Somehow he managed it to sign it through the flames. I guess in the end, even with third degree burns covering his whole body, he was still a cold hearted businessman.”
Oscar Thorne, 46 a property magnate from Battersea said: “he has become a martyr for all of us, we are now an oppressed race. We are going to build statue of him using Telegraph readers’ frozen tears, But I bet we will have to pay stamp duty on that.”
