Categories: Satire

“Fan” who always leaves on 80mins wants everyone to leave at 77mins each game

Angry and boorish John Baron, 48 from Runcorn, was overjoyed when everyone left Anfield earlier than he usually does.

He said: “I couldn’t believe it, usually I just get torrents of abuse, “we can see you sneaking out” “part time supporter” and “fuck off John you miserable cunt”…all that rubbish. I thought people had come around to my way of thinking finally.”

Mr Baron had no idea about the fans protests; he only uses the match the get out his sexual frustration, as his wife hasn’t slept with him since Liverpool last won the league.

John, who turns up every week, alone, constantly moans about over paid footballers, never sings and complains that Danny Ings isn’t a patch on Emlyn Hughes.

He said: “If everyone left on 77 minutes, I could get the 4.39 bus I always miss. See, I just don’t care about these modern footballers; no staying power, no loyalty. Wait a minute, shit, if everyone left then that means there would be queues for the bus at that time. Fuck it I’ll just leave at half time.”

Joe Mellor

Head of Content

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