We were trying to steer clear of the whole boring gammon controversy: whether it is racist to call the roaring pulmoan-ary purple-faced middle aged men bellowing stuff like “just-get-on-with-it” about Brexit on Question Time gammon-coloured or not.
Especially when Kathy Burke nailed it:
But then Matthew Hankins just wrote this amazing anthem for gammon coloured men, and the ham-fisted pig’s ear that seduced them and tucked them up like pigs in blankets: Boris Johnson.
Slightly altering the words of Pulp’s 1995 hit Common People the Twitter wag just wrote this masterpiece, truly an anthem for our times:
And here are the full lyrics to “Gammon People” if you want to sing along:
He went up to Oxford with a thirst for knowledge
He studied Classics at Balliol College
That’s why I
Caught his eye.
He told me that his dad was loaded
I said “I wish I’d known that before I voted”
He said “Fine”
And in thirty years’ time
He said
“I want the votes of gammon people
I want to do whatever gammon people do
I want to sleep with gammon people
I want to sleep with gammon people like you.”
Well, what else could I do?
I voted to leave the EU.
He took me out of the Single Market
I don’t know why but he had to start it
Somewhere
So he started there.
I said “What happened to all the NHS money?”
He just laughed and said “Oh you’re so funny”
I said “Yeah?
Well, I can still see foreigners over here.”
Are you sure you want to live like gammon people?
You want to see whatever gammon people see
You want to sleep with gammon people
You want to sleep with gammon people like me
But he didn’t understand
He just smiled and waved his hand.
Buy a flat on the Costa del Sol
Don’t learn to speak in Español
Smoke some fags and drink some beer
Pretend you always lived round here.
But still you’ll never get it right
Cause when you’re laid in bed at night
Watching your pension value fall
If he cancelled A50 he could stop it all.
You’ll never live like gammon people
You’ll never do whatever gammon people do
You’ll never fail like gammon people
You’ll never watch your life slide out of view
And drink and blame the EU
Because there’s nothing else to do.
You’ll never live like gammon people
You’ll never do whatever gammon people do
You’ll never fail like gammon people
You’ll never watch your life slide out of view
And drink and blame the EU
Because there’s nothing else to do.
Matthew Hankins
Brilliant. Thank you Mr Hankins. And Pulp.
MORE:
https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/news/photo-emerges-russian-exposed-spy-good-friend-boris-johnson/17/02/
https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/news/everyone-should-read-the-migration-advisory-committees-first-report-into-the-uk-labour-market-and-brexit-to-dispel-some-dangerous-myths/27/03/
https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/news/politics/boris-johnson-indiscreet-man-public-life-charge-mi6-gchq/06/06/
