Politics

Boris wants to send ‘communist cosmonaut’ Corbyn into space

Boris Johnson made his leader’s speech at Tory conference in Manchester, in the last hour. He, as expected, talked up the unlimited potential in a post-Brexit UK.

Boris attacked Corbyn for wanting to delay Brexit, holding back the UK.

He said: “It has become absolutely clear that he is determined now to frustrate Brexit.

“What do we want and need? Do we want more dither and delay.

“Do we want to spend another billion pounds a month that could be going on the NHS?

“Let’s get Brexit done.”

He then moved onto a strange joke about Corbyn being fired into space.

He said: “We are building two space ports, one in Sutherland and one in Newquay. Soon we will be sending missions to the heavens – geostationary satellites.

“Conference, can you think of anyone who could trial the next mission?

“Can you think which communist cosmonaut to coax into the cockpit?”

This attempt at comedy aside Boris Johnson warned against a Corbyn Labour government.

He said: “We put up wages – with the biggest expansion of the living wage for a generation; Corbyn would put up taxes for everyone.

“We back our superb armed forces around the world; Corbyn has said he wants them disbanded.

“We want an Australian-style points based system for immigration; Corbyn says he doesn’t even believe in immigration controls.

“If Jeremy Corbyn were allowed into Downing Street, he would whack up your taxes, he would foul up the economy, he would rip up the alliance between Britain and the USA, and he would break up the UK.”

“We cannot allow it to happen.”

Boris also made some comments about middle class cocaine use, one assumes Michael Gove was squirming in his seat, along with possibly a number of other senior Tories, possibly even himself.

He said: “We are committing now to rolling up the evil county lines drugs gangs that predate on young kids and send them to die in the streets to feed the cocaine habits of the bourgeoisie and we will succeed.”

The Conservatives are taking a sledge hammer to their voter base

Joe Mellor

Head of Content

Published by