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The spies who came in because it was cold: reactions to Skripal suspects Salisbury tourism story

"Of Course, we went there to see Stonehenge, Old Sarum, but we couldn't do it because there was muddy slush everywhere. The town was covered by this slush. We got wet, took the nearest train and came back."

Ben Gelblum by Ben Gelblum
2018-09-13 17:01
in News, World News
Salisbury Skripal suspects

Salisbury Skripal suspects (c) RT

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Salisbury poisoning suspects Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov, accused of poisoning of former-Russian spy Sergei Skripal, today told Russian TV station RT that they were visiting the city of Salisbury as tourists.

They said they had travelled all the way from Russia to Salisbury to visit Stonehenge and Salisbury Cathedral

The suspects named in a statement by Theresa May last week claimed that friends told them to see the “famous Salisbury cathedral.”

The pair – identified by the Crown Prosecution Service as Russian state secret agents flew into London and stayed in a grimy East London hotel. The next day they told Russian TV that they visited Salisbury to look at its famous 123m spire, and to visit Stonehenge.

Only it was too snowy for the pair from Russia. So they returned to London after an hour.

The day after – on the Sunday they returned to Salisbury and this time the snow didn’t put them off a visit to its “famous” cathedral according to the pair. And they left that evening back to Moscow.

“Our friends had been suggesting for a long time that we visit this wonderful town,” Petrov said.

Boshirov added: “There is the famous Salisbury cathedral, well known not just across Europe, but probably around the whole world.

“It’s known for its 123m-tall spire. It’s known for its clock, the first clock to ever be invented in the world, which is still working.”

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The pair denied being on a kill mission, carrying Novichok nerve agent toxin or knowing where Sergei Skripal, the former Russian spy who had defected lived. Petrov insisted:

“Well, we came here on March 2, then went to a railway station to see the timetable. We arrived in Salisbury on March 3 and tried to walk through the town, but we lasted only half an hour because it was covered in snow.”

“Of Course, we went there to see Stonehenge, Old Sarum, but we couldn’t do it because there was muddy slush everywhere. The town was covered by this slush. We got wet, took the nearest train and came back.”

Tom Tugendhat, chairman of the Commons foreign affairs committee, responded: “The idea that Russians were turned away by snow is laughable.”

He wasn’t the only one to voice his disbelief at their story…

Fly to Britain
Stay in shitty hotel in London
Travel to Salisbury
Don't visit cathedral because Russians don't do snow
Leave after half an hour
Fly home again
Why doesn't Thomas Cook offer this tour?

— George Monbiot (@GeorgeMonbiot) September 13, 2018

To be fair everyone is always going on about Salisbury Cathedral’s 123 metre spire and how I must look at it. All over the world, when I say I am English, people’s first question is, “is it true that Salisbury Cathedral has a 123 metre spire?”

— Richard K Herring (@Herring1967) September 13, 2018

Of course those Russians were just tourists. Everyone knows that Salisbury has 2 world-class tourist attractions:
1. The cathedral
2. The famous Skripal Door Handle.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 13, 2018

Lovely chaps. I know them well.

And there’s nothing weird about flying from Moscow to London for a day trip to Salisbury… and then another day trip to Salisbury… and then home. Everyone likes walking around Salisbury. pic.twitter.com/lxRgtwDG6W

— Mike Galsworthy (@mikegalsworthy) September 13, 2018

For the convenience of any GRU employees thinking of paying a visit to Salisbury, I've produced this handy guide showing how tricky the cathedral is to find from the railway station. pic.twitter.com/lCNRAchdOd

— Guy Walters 🇺🇦 (@guywalters) September 13, 2018

I'm just saying I wouldn't be un-interested in a feature-length comedy about two cathedral-loving Russian gays whose dream holiday to Salisbury via Bow turns into a nightmare when they're accused of carrying out a deadly nerve attack.

— Steven Perkins (@stevenperkins) September 13, 2018

Those facts IN NO WAY sound like they've been learned off Wikipedia. pic.twitter.com/CARz4DEhko

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) September 13, 2018

It's lucky for them the Skripals lived in Salisbury and not in Scunthorpe or right now they would be saying

"We really had to visit Scunthorpe as it was the setting of a 2012 Cultural Olympiad community opera called Cycle Song, about a past steel-worker"

— Bassman Bob (@spottie999) September 13, 2018

Amazing. Two Russian men claim they went to Salisbury as tourists but were frustrated by all the snow on the ground, so they immediately went home…to Moscow. In March. Where it was covered in snow.

— Christopher Miller (@ChristopherJM) September 13, 2018

You can question the Skirpal poisoning suspects' trip to Salisbury all you like, but Ruslan Borishov's Trip Advisor review looks legit… pic.twitter.com/f5B6WfsNSk

— NewsThump (@newsthump) September 13, 2018

Most popular destinations for Russian tourists:
1. Salisbury Cathedral
2. Paris maybe
3. London but via Salisbury Cathedral
4. Salisbury Cathedral

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) September 13, 2018

The Spy Who Came In From The Cold Because It Was A Bit Snowy In Salisbury https://t.co/PYHgccj89v

— Abbie Fielding-Smith (@AbbieFS) September 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/rupertevelyn/status/1040182326855127040
https://twitter.com/BrianSpanner1/status/1040202509653037058
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