New England manager Sam Allardyce stated at his first press conference yesterday that he’s never been offered a top manager’s job, including the England role, because he was English and shit. “Chelsea, Man U, Arsenal and England would never give a shit Englishman a proper go, not with all the...
Pregnant women up and down the country are showing their thanks to men who have today permitted them to eat raw eggs. Sarah, 32 from Watford is 8 weeks pregnant: “These have been the hardest 8 weeks of my life. I’ve literally woken up in cold sweats every night dreaming...
The Russian Hooligan Federation could face retrospective action after several high profile hooligans tested positive for vegetables; including superfoods kale, quinoa and avocado. The IHC (International Hooligan Committee) has already set up a team to review CCTV footage taken during the recent European Championships to search for inappropriate sobriety within...
This latest act of generosity by billionaire Sports Direct and Newcastle United owner comes after a recent report compared his businesses to a ‘Victorian Workhouse’. The report outlined a series cruel and demeaning working practices which Ashley denies any culpability for. “Quite frankly those little tykes have a bleedin good...
Vladimar Putin claims evidence of bear DNA found in the hair and claws of the Russian Olympic Wrestling squad were planted by US agents and stated events were typical of ‘US led political propaganda’. Putin commented: “I refute all claims made by the International Olympic Committee. I have personally entered...
A clear and present danger has just appeared in the UK and could destroy the world. A madman has asked for £205bn of our money to spend on the things we really need. Politicians’ have demanded that the death penalty is brought back to silence this psychopath who can only...
A man who took a decision for everybody else, then realised it was probably the worst idea ever, jumped ship and left the passengers heading for certain doom. Even he didn’t originally expect to be given control of the ship, so steered wildly tossing passengers overboard without life rafts. Rightly...
Entrepreneur and eraser enthusiast Niall Globstone, 45 of Bexleyheath, has made a killing today. He realised early doors that every polling station was actually ran by MI5 who are desperate for the UK to remain part of the EU. Cheeky Niall has gone from polling station to polling station, selling...
Most intellectuals and averagely smart people have been thinking it for a while now, but finally a study has been released confirming ‘mainly stupid’ people will vote for UK to leave the EU. The study shows that those with low academic attainment, Daily Mail and Sun newspaper readers, Northerners, Monster Energy...