SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon has put out a £100k contract on Andy Murray for agreeing to carry the Olympic flag in Rio for Great Britain. Angry SNP supporters have been seen burning tennis rackets and balls, some even while playing, which seems to gauge the level of anger, even amongst...
A Brexit voter who made the fateful crossing of the Atlantic wasn’t aware the ship was sinking as he just wanted to hear the music. Jeff Miles, 47, from Sevenoaks said: “I didn’t care where the ship was going, that was nothing to do with me I just wanted to...
As the Byron Burger chain decided to round up its illegal workers and send them to concentration camps, sorry deport them, the far-right group decided to team up with the racist restaurant group. Nigel Staines, 34 a senior spokesperson for Britain's First, from Barking said: “Britain’s First Byron Burger had...
Mary Paes, the wife of Eduardo Paes the Mayer of Rio De Janeiro, is not happy. “I went to the shops to get some final bits and bobs for Rio leaving my husband to sort out the open sewers, investment in favelas, the Zika virus and a couple of other...
Electric car manufacturer and environmental entrepreneur Elon Musk gave the world’s media a tour of the new Tesla battery manufacturing plant and immediately came under criticism for the treatment of his batteries. “It’s absolutely disgusting” said one reporter. “The batteries are all crammed into these tiny little chicken coops with...
A disgruntled Sanders supporter has pledged to vote for Donald Trump after their candidate wasn’t democratically chosen to be the presidential candidate. Fuming Michael De Rossi, 31 from Seattle screamed: “If we can’t have Bernie, then it has to be Trump, that will teach Hilary not to mess with us.”...
New England manager Sam Allardyce stated at his first press conference yesterday that he’s never been offered a top manager’s job, including the England role, because he was English and shit. “Chelsea, Man U, Arsenal and England would never give a shit Englishman a proper go, not with all the...
Pregnant women up and down the country are showing their thanks to men who have today permitted them to eat raw eggs. Sarah, 32 from Watford is 8 weeks pregnant: “These have been the hardest 8 weeks of my life. I’ve literally woken up in cold sweats every night dreaming...
The Russian Hooligan Federation could face retrospective action after several high profile hooligans tested positive for vegetables; including superfoods kale, quinoa and avocado. The IHC (International Hooligan Committee) has already set up a team to review CCTV footage taken during the recent European Championships to search for inappropriate sobriety within...